my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
