im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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