The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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