Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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