nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
