Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize