Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
