I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
