Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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