I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
