Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
