Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
