so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
