Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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