it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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