For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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