Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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