At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
