oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In other news, I just burned my penis
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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