...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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