Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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