My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize