And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
