i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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