Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
