I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
