Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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