Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
