Where did you get a picture of my penis
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize