my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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