Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
