there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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