i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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