She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
