Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
