ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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