Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize