You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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