You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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