Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
