Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
