Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
