i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
