Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My vagina just recognized that song.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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