Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
