He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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