yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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