Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize