glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
