I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
