I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
