I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
