On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
did i just pee glitter
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
