I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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