I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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