Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
