I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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