Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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