I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
is this the sara with the beer cane?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
