Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
