So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
