my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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