between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
