just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
