I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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