I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
