i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
