I skipped work to stalk him.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
